Happily Married?

We’ve all heard the saying, “marriage takes a lot of work!” Yet why is marriage supposedly so hard? I am not claiming to be an expert, but being someone who didn’t know their spouse very long prior to tying the knot, being very young going into marriage, having a baby right off the bat, experiencing a death in the family, buying a house, having my family move away right before the birth of my second child, dealing with dysfunctional family relationships, being a survivor of abuse, being on a single family income, having financial struggles, having a son with medical issues, and having personal health issues myself…I can say that even though we haven’t been together decades we have been through the ringer and every year we grow stronger despite the odds, but why? Here is my honest answer, we serve God above ourselves and we love each other unconditionally!

In today’s society we live in a generation of self and “feel goods,” it’s in that obsession of self the ideology of marriage gets suffocated. See it’s very hard to be apart of a partnership when all you’re concerned with is you. My husband and I went through seasons of selfishness and it almost broke us apart. He was focused on work, money, supporting a family, and his needs/comforts and I was consumed with the kids, the dogs, meals, laundry, and all the other necessities that go into being a stay at home mom. We also had very different ideals of what would ultimately bring our family happiness and success and how best to achieve it. These differences caused us to drift and the additional pressures of outside family relationships and expectations caused resentments and bitterness. It was safe to say that our home was definitely divided except for one major thing; we loved God and we served Him together. If it wasn’t for this major foundational pillar we would of without a doubt became another statistic.

I became a prayer worrier in my unhappiness. My bitterness would show through and I’d have to again go to prayer and seek forgiveness from my spouse for my tone or action and strive to become a better wife and example for my own sons. As the years past Kyle’s maturity sprang leaps and bounds. He started to shed his insecurities and as a result his ability to remain calm in tense situations increased to another measure. God wasn’t just working on our marriage, He was working on ourselves. Time passed and we got along in a more mature and adult like fashion. Yet we lacked a friendship. We loved each other without a doubt, but being married so young and having a baby 6 months after tying the knot did not allow for much “bonding time.” As we contemplated having another baby when our second turned two, God really put it on my heart that we needed time to grow our marriage not our family. So we have spent the last few years developing our marriage. We do this by going to counseling to work on our communicational skills, setting boundaries and addressing things as a unified front. Another major thing we have done to reframe our marriage as priority is set boundaries even in our own family. My obsession for the past 5 years has been my kids and they have taken precedence over my marriage. I have finally been able to let go and regain our tringle so to speak: God at the top, then our marriage, then our family, and so on an so fourth. We are working in unison with each other and it’s absolutely beautiful to witness.

I can honestly say people over complicate marriage. It’s not about finding the perfect spouse it’s loving each other enough to look at yourself and acknowledge your own short comings to become the wife/husband God needs you to be for your partner. As long as you’re BOTH doing this daily marriage is without a doubt successful. the key is both, unity, togetherness. Marriage is a partnership which means it takes two. There are times where I have had to carry the weight for the two of us to survive and times where Kyle has had to carry us and times where we are in sync doing equal work together. Regardless of where you stand currently, prayer is a powerful tool that brings forth change and ultimately unity. Happiness shouldn’t be the scale to determine how good a marriage is, for happiness comes and goes. But seeking joy in marriage is beyond a feeling it’s a state of mind. For even in the of midst sorrows I can find joy!

“May the God of hope fill you with all the joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)

Hugs,

Julie Black