‘‘‘Tis the Season

As I look around my little world all I can see is worry. Regardless of what’s on the agenda their is so many things keeping me from experiencing what’s right before me because I am riddled with everything that’s happening around me. I wake up, their is already a checklist of things that didn’t get done the night before so I scramble to get ahead of time before the kids get up. I’m exhausted, but if I don’t get ahead of the curve than we all know it’ll be impossible to strike order. I don’t even get the load of laundry in the washing machine before the boys rise from their restless night sleep. Needing their morning snuggles which lasts for all of three minutes before their demands begin. The calm is over in a flash and than it’s off to the races… cooking, cleaning, folding, teaching, playing, and in this battle I just have to pause for a moment. It’s no wonder I feel depleated, restless, anxious. For there is never a moment to come up for air before the waves are crashing overhead. Is this how God desires me to live? To parent?

Balance is a dirty word everyone wants yet no one is quite sure how to profit. For what’s “balance,” to one individual could be a potential disaster for another. How do I do this life thing with intent and purpose without losing myself in the hustle and bustle of expectation? Perhaps it’s simple, perhaps striving for balance has more to do with moments than an overall approach. Perhaps it’s being present with what’s before me knowing fully well that my brain will wonder ahead of my feet and than gently bringing my wondering thoughts back to the life that’s occurring before my eyes.

In this day and age we get to know everything all the time and it’s with this ever present knowledge that anxiety brews. For we know every sickness that is striking, every fight that is occurring, and more gossip than one would ever care to know. With this constant access we bombard our brains and overwhelm our systems trying to keep up with it all!

Which brings me to Fall, my favorite time of year!I love the leaves changing colors, the air is cooling, sweatshirts and yoga pants make their comeback but in all of its goodness it’s also a time of panic. See my youngest son usually gets really sick in the fall and winter months and his asthma can make a simple cold into a 911 call! I live on the edge of my seat, making myself sick with worry and fear of the potential of losing him. And every year the CDC reports that this year is the worst than the one before, furthering my anxiety. It’s so easy to get lost in the noise of the world. Yet we as believers are called to God’s authority! He tells us not to fear, that we will have trouble in this world, but take heart for He has overcome this world!

He knows what’s before each of us and no amount of vaccines or Lysol wipes will prevent an illness that He has either destined for us or against us. This life is finite. It’s in His timing not our own. This season of life I’ve been in has been harder than I can fathom at times. I have had to take time outs from family relationships, I’ve had to muster the strength and courage to walk with my husband as we together pray and discern on where we are being called to go and as a result what career path we are to go down. I’ve had to lay down my stressors daily so I can engage with my children in being their teacher as well as their mommy! I’ve had to let go of many ideals and succumb to the realities of what is! Yet I am discovering significant truths about who God is and who I am throughout this process.

I am never going to be a perfect mom or wife. I am never going to have all my ducks in a row all the time or ever. I am imperfect. I have flaws and heartaches that run deeper than I care to attest to and I am also really really loved. God has stepped into my life this past year and has shown me that my vulnerabilities do not make me weak. I can face almost anything with God at my side. I don’t need perfect health, a good job, a stable family. I just need Him. It’s through Him he restores and brings hope! My husband and I, in the midst of unsettling circumstances have truly been united together. That is fully God! We where in complete opposition of each other in all facuets of life yet we where able to bring forth humility and through that humility God has transformed our love for one another and has redefined our marriage!

Life isn’t always getting to know what’s before you sometimes it’s living with what’s in front of you. Making it truly that simple is freeing on so many levels. For when I can let go and focus on the moment before me I am able to release doubt, insecurity and fear and trustingly enjoy in the beauty residing before my eyes. Let go of feeling you need to be up to date on everything and just let God prepare your heart for the road He has destined for you! No matter what lies ahead He makes beauty out of ashes. Don’t succumb to this world and it’s never resting state of panic and misery yet look up to God’s unfailing love!

Hugs,

Julie Black